How many times have you heard a particular song, and it brings back a strong memory? Or smelled a particular smell and it reminded you of someone or some event? Too bad all these memory triggers can't be pleasant ones. There are many things I associate with my ex-husband and my former life, of the abuse that I experienced and the insanity that he put me through.
Music is a big one. For me, certain musicians/groups, remind me of tortuous time spent in cars, traveling, or being made to sit and listen. He always controlled what we listened to. Don't get me wrong - I'm not criticizing his choice in music, as believe it or not, the music itself wasn't bad - just the fact that we were only allowed to listen to what he wanted to listen to, and he wouldn't tolerate anything that we wanted to listen to. If he didn't like it, it was crap to him.
His choice in music - CCR, Abba, the Bee Gees, 70's rock, Lynard Skynard, etc. I used to listen to those bands when I was growing up, and they were ok. I even liked a good bit of it. I like most kinds of music, at least a little. Well, except for Kentucky Bluegrass and polka music. There's just something annoying as shit about bluegrass and banjos, and accordions. But that's just my opinion and taste. My favorite genre is 80's music, but I like country, rock, metal, classical - like I said, most kinds of music.
I can't tell you how many trips we went on, where he controlled the radio - only listening to the older rock station. Not sure what it was called at the time, but now it's 97.1 The River. Steven even got where he didn't want the radio to land on 97.1, he got so sick of listening to that era of music. Now, several years later, the music on that station has changed somewhat, and I listen to it frequently.
Anyways, I listen to that music now and sometimes it makes me think of the seemingly eternal conversations we would have in the car, either me driving us somewhere, nowhere, or us sitting in the car in the driveway. He would drive me nuts, sitting in the driveway in one of the vehicles, listening to his music. I don't find pleasure in listening to any of the music he used to cram down our throats. I need to enjoy listening to something to continue sitting through it, and on occasion, especially if I'm in the car, driving, it is absolutely a form of torture.
But, I don't pitch a fit and insist that music be changed, if it happens to be something he used to listen to all the time. I don't enjoy it, but I tolerate it, I suppose to try to work through the bad feelings it brings to me.
Any particular songs bring back memories of a bad time in your life?
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