Happy Day to Me!

This was written 12/08/2015 and I never published it.

Today would have been my 21st anniversary with the ex-husband.  I can't believe it was that long ago that I met and married him.  I don't think about him much anymore, thankfully, but every once in a while a thought pops up.  Most of the time I don't remember what date we tied the knot, as it doesn't really matter.  I am in such a better place now, with someone that is truly a wonderful person, that loves and respects me more than I sometimes feel I deserve.  I guess I just don't feel the need to think about the past very much any more.


Of course it does rear its ugly head now and again.  Thankfully, it's few and far between.  We joke about it sometimes.  Like tonight for example. 

Brutally Broken

This was written on December 8, 2015...

I've seen this meme going around Facebook a lot recently.  Seems that it applies to many people that I know.  That's really kinda sad, to think about it, that I know that many folks that can relate to this.


I was "brutally broken", in so many ways, mostly from my first marriage, and some from other relationships I've been in.  My ex-husband broke my trust, my ego, my self-esteem, my feelings, my soul, my will, my spirit.....damn the list could go on. 



While those of us that have been broken so deserve to be loved and cared for, it is so hard to trust someone and to actually accept what we so rightfully deserve.  Trusting someone takes a lot, and any perceived damage to the trust is magnified because of the past.




Building up your ego and self-esteem is very difficult, even when you're with the right person.  All because some asshat (or several asshats), managed to tear you down so far.  Constant criticism, never being good enough, not having the smooth, stretchmark-free skin of the airbrushed women in the magazines (yes, I remember that comment from back in college, and NO, I do not want your apology today, in fact if you even mention it to me today I will delete you and block you), oh shit the list goes on and on and on.




I ache deep within my soul sometimes over the hurt I've experienced over the years.  How the hell do you move past it?