My Issue With Pot

My ex-husband is an addict - prescription pain drugs, xanax, and alcohol.  He's also a lover of marijuana.  I knew before we were married that he drank beer and smoked pot.  At the time, I didn't see the drinking as a big deal, as I only saw him every 2-3 weeks and wrongly assumed it was a "weekends only" thing for him, plus the fact that he was always on his best behavior before we got married so that I wouldn't see the monster inside him.

As for the pot - that bothered me greatly, and it was always a point of contention between us, long before we were married.  I was raised in a drug-free home, and never tried drugs of any kind, even when it was offered to me in high school and college.  I was never even curious about it, and just never saw the need to experiment.  It's illegal, and jobs drug test, I'm generally not a rule breaker and certainly have never taken chances that could cost me my job.  I do, however, understand that medicinal marijuana has been shown to be very beneficial to a variety of serious medical issues, and feel it should be legal and readily available for that purpose.

I'm not here to argue or discuss the pros and cons of legalizing pot.  Since I don't use it, it doesn't affect me either way.  Going back to my original point of this about my ex-husband - he used it because he liked it.  He couldn't see the idiot he turned into when he was high (not that he would have cared).  We had a huge argument the day after we got married because the couple that stood with us, my matron of honor and his best man, brought him a bag of pot.  They tried to be secretive about it, but of course I found out and was PISSED.  My matron of honor knew how I felt about pot, and I was so hurt that she would disrespect me like that.  That friendship ended right there.  I told my ex that day "if I had known you were going to continue smoking pot, I never would have married you.  I've made a huge mistake". How many times do you think that statement was thrown in my face the next 12 years?  Enough that I'd be a rich woman today if someone gave me a dollar every time.  

My ex claimed he used pot because he was part American Indian, and it was a substitute for peyote.  Of course the truth was he just liked the high.  The bullshit he would spew about how it helped him have visions like peyote - he was so full of shit.  None of his visions ever turned out to come true (not like I ever thought they would).  He pretty much stopped his vision nonsense when he was wrong about what sex our child would be.

He wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box, but when he was stoned, I could tell immediately.  As if the red eyes weren't a dead giveaway, he became even dumber than usual

Seriously, like only a few brain cells above amoeba.  I know not everyone is like that when high, most folks I've been around just get the red eyes and "the stoner look". And that bastard loved to get right up in my face with his pot and beer breath, whether it was to try to be affectionate, or to scream at me.  I absolutely cannot stand the smell of pot, whether it's the kind from back then, or today's nasty "stinkweed".  And I don't care for the smell of beer on someone's breath today.  

Had I never married my ex, I probably wouldn't have the intense hatred for pot that I have today.  I just didn't care one way or another prior to him since it never affected me. 

That is why I hate marijuana.  

Please do not comment or message me with trying to enlighten me or change my feelings about this - just know that if you partake, I do not hate you.  I will never put you down or criticize you for your choice.  

More Memories

While out and about today, I had some flashbacks to some situations with the monster that today, I find quite laughable.  At the time, it wasn't, but I got a silent chuckle over it today. 


One afternoon after he'd had a few (or several) beers, he asked me to drive to the office in Columbia that would have information on how to go about adopting an American Indian child.   (he's apparently part Cherokee and believes he has this great connection to them but that's a story for another day).  I was less than thrilled - not because I have a problem with adopting a child, but we were only a couple of months away from having our child together, and of course his having alcohol on his breath when he wanted to have this conversation with someone from the state really irked me.  (and before you can ask WHY I agreed to drive him there, it was to save the argument and aggravation that I would have faced had I refused to take him) 


We get to the office, go in, and he starts talking to the social worker.  I did not hide my irritation at being there, and there was no hiding my bulging pregnant belly.  I most likely rolled my eyes a lot, did the foot shake thing where your legs are crossed and you move your foot, and sighed a lot.  I was afraid to speak up and say I wasn't interested because I didn't want the argument when we left, so I kept my mouth shut.  Thankfully, after listening to the drunk for what seemed like forever, the man said that they wouldn't consider adopting a child to a family that was about to have the major change in their household of having a new baby.  Of course he had to throw in that he could tell that I didn't really seem to be interested, and I agreed that I felt that it would be too overwhelming for me to consider adoption when I would be a new mother very soon to my own child, and that this idea to adopt a child was just brought up to me that very day.


Needless to say, he wasn't pleased that he couldn't immediately adopt a child on a whim, and that they wouldn't even let him meet one of the children in question to play with them. 


Oh but it gets better - I also remembered today that he claimed we would be adopting the children of a man that he supposedly worked with in the fire department.  This story happened when we lived in Mount Zion, GA (the one in Carroll county, GA).  I'm a little foggy on the details, but he insisted that we would be getting these kids (I think they were either in their early teens, or pre-teens, IF they even existed).  I remember having an argument about this - I knew he was lying about this for one, but I wanted to make the point that I wasn't willing to do this, that this request was totally unreasonable.


Sometimes I wonder how I survived those years of insanity without totally losing my own sanity.  Fucking NUTS!